He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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