so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
