Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I believe in your delicious
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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