I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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