I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
