Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
