Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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