Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
