So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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