I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
