Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
