This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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