My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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