I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
