Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
