I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
