were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I need to sanitize my soul.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
