Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he puts the penis in happiness.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
