Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
