I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
