Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Randomize
