did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The beer is more important than you right now.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
