I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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