i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize