My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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