Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just gargled with NyQuil
The Olympian is in my bed
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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