I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
