We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
