Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
