Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
