Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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