i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Someone stole a lamp last night.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize