oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
