Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
