My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
