Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
