I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Im part way to drunk.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
