pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
