You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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