Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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