Soap is not a condiment
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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