I should be sponsored by Trojan
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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