I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize