i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
