I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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