Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
