I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
That was an excessively violent trivia night
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
