he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
