he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
