i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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