Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
