Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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