She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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