So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
