we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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