he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
