You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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