I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize