Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
