Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
