i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
