if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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