Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
