There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
