1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
