Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
