bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
