I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
